lovelylittleshit

2017

Jan
18

i have the luxury of working somewhere that gives me a paid vacation from before christmas to after the new year. every year i make grand plans of knocking out projects around the house. the first year we lived here my grand plan was to refinish the hardwoods. seven years later, those floors haven’t been touched & i’ve realized since that i don’t want to diy that task anyway. this year i thought i’d at least finish the projects that i’d already started (bedroom doors, closet & hallway) but then ryan was able to take off the entire break with me & working on the house was the furthest thing from my mind. instead, we decided to throw caution to the wind & leave town for a few days. we put kansas city in our gps, left our dogs in the care of my sister & spent 3 days exploring somewhere new & dreaming of our future. by the way, we really enjoyed kc. it’s definitely somewhere that i’d enjoy going back to but the 4-5 hour drive almost killed us. it was the slowest drive of our lives. kansas, you suck. anyway, between the holidays, family, some needed one-on-one with ryan, mini-vacations & sickness, the house was left abandoned. the break was good though & even now, i’m not too worried about working on it. i’ll get to it eventually but right now our schedules have been so busy (busy = overwhelmed which to me is having 2 or more things taking up my evenings each week) that i just can’t spend my free time on the house. with that said, i made myself a house related new years resolution, something that i never do because who likes to set themselves up for failure?

when we were in kansas city, we stumbled upon a coffee shop, blip, in an old warehouse. upon entering, we were welcomed by a family-owned business with the cutest little pit bull pup running around. we lovingly referred to it as “if weldon jack sold coffee”. it was coffee, family, friends, motorcycles & pit bulls. i mean really, does it get better? the barista was very friendly & immediately reminded us of our old friend dave, who lived with us briefly way back when. he asked us where we were from & then responded to our answer with “how is it there?”. ryan & i both looked at each other & got a little awkward with how to answer. it was such a simple question but the answer is difficult. we fumbled around with some answers about how the city is trying but it still has a long way to go to be & feel like kc did. in other words, he wanted to know why we loved it (assuming we do since we live there) & we gave him a general answer that had nothing to do with us. what he said next has stuck with me & bothered me since. he asked, “so what keeps you there?”. it took me aback. i couldn’t believe that this stranger had seen my unhappiness in such a short conversation & i felt insecure immediately. i also felt dumb because some stranger in a coffee shop just called out our bullshit.

don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying that oklahoma city is a bad place to live. it’s not. it’s our home, it’s where we were raised, it’s where our families live & i’m sure that that will always mean something special to us but oklahoma city is not where we fit anymore. we outgrew this place & we knew it a long time ago.

for the last several years we’ve had the same conversation about what we want for our future. when we can, we want to sell our house, move to an apartment while we save money & decide where we want to move. this is still what we want. we both dream of a new life, a simpler one, out of our comfort zone & in a new landscape. this year, i want to work towards that dream. we always say we are. we always tell each other that this is the year we buckle down, get out of debt & save the money we need to fix the house. we speak, we listen, we go on about our lives. i don’t want to do that anymore. this year i decided that i want to do my part & work towards getting our house in order to sell it, as much as i can. there are a lot of issues, some of which will require greater amounts of money that we don’t have right now but in the meantime, i want to put the right work in to the house that will get us closer to our goal.

nobody should live life doing things that don’t bring them joy & fulfillment so thank you to the barista that called out my shit & got me on the right track.

westport flea, kansas city, mo, december 29, 2016

 

 

bathroom: before & after

Dec
05

let’s just jump right into it because i’m excited. the feeling you get once a room is finally finished is indescribable. i am very happy with how it turned out & it will do just fine until we can put some big money into it later on for a full remodel.

door

shelves

sink

the black door is my favorite, let’s just not talk about how it looks from the hallway ( it’s very bad right now). one day i’ll have a sink with storage so the cart will no longer be necessary. speaking of the cart- i spray painted it & learned that i don’t really enjoy spray painting. now that i know, i probably would’ve opted to just buy a new cart in black for $40. the only thing missing is a hamper. i’m not putting one back in there until i can be 100% happy with my choice so for now, we’ll be hamper-less. so that’s it! i hope you enjoy it as much as i do (not really)! i think i have to go finish my bedroom now since ryan actually asked me yesterday if i planned on ever having a bedroom door again or not. oops.

sources: shower curtain / bath mat / turkish bath towels 1 & 2 / hand towel / cart / vanity light / trash can / towel hooks / tp holder

 

holiday feelings

Nov
30
christmas, 1990. little jana, already grumpy.

christmas, 1990. little jana, already grumpy.

i’ve come to terms with the fact that i am missing a lot of “emotions” in my brain that most other people seem to have. i am not sentimental. i’d rather risk hurting someone’s feelings than bullshitting with them. the only person that gives me “warm & fuzzies” is my husband & it comes in the weirdest ways. i don’t understand the feeling of a holiday feeling special. it’s just a day, isn’t’ it? thanksgiving doesn’t make me feel any more thankful than i did the day before. christmas doesn’t make me want to spend time with people any more than it does the day after. easter definitely doesn’t make me want to go to church. valentine’s day doesn’t make me feel  more in love. paid holidays make me thankful for a day off work & time with ryan & that’s about it. i’m not sure i understand why a big deal is made of all them. i don’t particularly remember ever being really into holidays but i’m sure as a kid i probably enjoyed them more than i do now. i know this is nothing new; there are a lot of scrooges in this world but when you’re the only one in your family & friends group, it can get uncomfortable.

i stopped decorating for christmas 3 years ago because i’ve never enjoyed it & finally realized that i was definitely not doing it for myself. every year growing up, we had the same tradition as everyone else that celebrates christmas. you decorate for christmas the day after thanksgiving. a lot of people look back fondly on that tradition & that’s why they continue to do it their entire lives. me? i look back & remember the yearly dread of having to go up in the attic, pull everything down (the joys of being the smallest, youngest & most helpful) & then putting that damn 8-foot tree up, limb by limb. i hated it. the only thing i ever wanted to do was put up this one little nativity scene we had. no idea why. after the decorating was done, i then had weeks to let my anxiety boil about all of the christmas gatherings to be had in my future. that has never changed. as i’ve gotten older, i’ve stopped going to most things that aren’t for someone who i cherish extra. i’m not going to go to a work party just because there is one. free food is not worth it. i’m not going to go to a funeral because i knew someone who died. funerals don’t bring me closure. all they do is trigger my anxiety & i feel like that’s definitely something that is a personal choice that nobody should have any say in. i’m not going to go to an extended family wedding or celebration just because my mother asks me to. listening to snide comments & jokes from family members that i have nothing in common with, while trying to play nice & smile for my mother’s sake is not how i want to spend my time. it makes a lot of people mad. they don’t get it. my mom thinks it’s my dad’s fault & my dad thinks i’m just a dick but truth be told, when it comes down to it, i just cherish myself & my time too much to put myself in situations that make me miserable. hanging out with a bunch of trump supporters equals my idea of miserable. joking, not joking?

the second worst thing about christmas (& birthdays) in particular is gifts. please don’t buy me gifts & please don’t expect me to buy you gifts. i am not a gift giver & never have been. it doesn’t make me feel good to give them & most of the time unless it’s something i really need, i don’t feel good about getting them either. (there’s a 99% chance that if you buy me an object, it will end up in my donation pile anyway so you’re just wasting your money in most cases.) on that note, why the hell do we expect people to open gifts in front of us? it can be so traumatizing to a person & here we are, making kids do this from the time they’re born. i remember being in elementary school & always feeling like i’m dying inside every time i had to open gifts at a party. my 16th birthday? my mom threw me a huge party & gave me a car in front of all of my friends & family. i remember the feelings from that day like it was yesterday. that panic i had when i realized what was happening & that i was going to have to quickly come up with some sort of vocal/physical reaction to getting a car. i was crazy excited about the car but it didn’t matter because i “didn’t show it”. saying thank you & giving a hug isn’t the expected reaction. people want some yelling & jumping. i don’t yell & i definitely don’t jump. people: meet jana, a guaranteed lifetime of disappointing reactions & interactions. jana: meet holidays. your time to really shine.

i say all this to say, if there’s someone in your family or friends group that doesn’t participate in things that you think they should, they probably have a reason for it. you might not like their answer but it doesn’t matter what you think. we all just need to do what feels right for us & sometimes, that’s going to piss people off but in the end, your life is yours & nobody else’s so fuck it.

 

soooo…. happy holidays!

 

psst. i’m finishing my bathroom tonight so once i have some natural light to take pictures of it (i.e. saturday), i’ll be back for the reveal!

bathroom: week 4

Nov
18

WHAT. realizing it’s been four weeks makes me feel reaaaal dumb.

side note. i was going through flickr to download the pictures i needed for this post & the “auto-tag” that flickr put on them was “hallway” & “monochrome”. HA.

the important lesson i learned this week is that having a good electric drill makes life a lot easier. iiii have a piece of shit drill that can’t even make one hole in my stupid walls without dying 3-4 times. what should’ve been a simple half hour project quickly became a two and a half hour project. shoot. me. needless to say, a new drill was immediately put at the top of my wishlist.

2016-11-152016-11-15-2

i didn’t give up & got the job done so that we no longer have to remember to grab our towels from the hallway before we hop in the shower. i had a really hard time picking out towel hooks but i’m glad i landed on these. there are so many options out there that it’s a little overwhelming. i also really hate towel rings but i kept second-guessing myself that it would be weird to only have hooks. in the end, i decided that i wanted it to be a very simple & cohesive look so 3 hooks lined up with the medicine cabinet knob is what i went with. and i don’t care how “on trend” turkish towels are. they are the best. i don’t see myself ever buying another kind of towel. the hand towels are new & they were really cheap so the verdict is still out on those but i love my bath towels from dandelion textiles & cacala.

this weekend i need to man up & finish this shit.

it starts with finishing this door*.

2016-11-4

*the paint under the white on ALL the bathroom woodwork was pink. that beige color was UNDER the pink. who were these aliens that previously lived here??

have a good weekend guys. IT’S FRIDAY.

 

how long can it take to paint a bathroom?

Nov
08

you’d think i had kids getting in my way for how long a project takes me. i honestly can’t explain it. i get 16 hours of uninterrupted time each week with ryan’s new work schedule & i use that time to work on the house & yet still, the bathroom isn’t done. in conclusion, i am slow as fuck. also, why does it take so. many. coats of paint to make a wall white? it can’t just be me can it?

the good news is that it’s almost done. i’ve hit the point where it’s so close that i’m so anxious to finish up all the details. like putting the door back on. although not having a bathroom door is a really great excuse to not have anyone over. unless you have friends that don’t mind & in that case, you have bigger problems.

clean slate

...to this...

primed walls & work in progress door frame

so close! (hi hank!)

two major things happened that have given me all the feels (besides the new toilet).

  1. i FINALLY got the goddamn window open after being painted shut for god knows how long. people that paint windows shut; shame on you! just don’t do it. ever. this was the 7th & last window that i’ve had to fix after being painted shut.

2. NEW LIGHT! we weren’t planning on doing this so soon but then i realized that it seemed silly to paint around the 4 light vanity bar, just to have to paint that area later on when we did replace it. i was concerned that it wouldn’t give off enough light but it’s great & you can’t beat getting a nice vanity light for under 100 bones.

* BONUS: i’d also like to introduce you to my new best friend, the mixing mate. i need one for every gallon of paint i ever use from here on out. i highly recommend it for the pour spout alone.

 

things left to-do:

  • roll on one more coat of paint
  • finish scraping the door
  • paint door black & install
  • install new towel hooks
  • install new toilet paper holder
  • buy shelf brackets (aka figure out how to get them)
  • apply polyurethane to wood shelves
  • install shelves above toilet
  • drink a lot of wine & celebrate

hopefully, i’ll see you back here soon with a mostly finished bathroom redo.

lovely little shitter

Oct
18

i swear i was about to pick up the putty knife & get to work on the bedroom doors so the room that we spend 90% of our time in could be pretty & mostly finished but then…. our toilet broke. & my gears shifted back to the bathroom.

you know what isn’t fun? having to manually fill your toilet tank with water because it stopped filling itself & you’re not a plumber. it’s also not fun to sit on a toilet that feels like it’s going to fall through the floor. have i mentioned our toilet is slightly unstable?

once i got over being mad that our toilet broke & i would now have to pay for an unexpected expense, i was probably a little too excited at the thought that “hey, now is the time to make where we shit just a little more pretty & efficient”. don’t even act like we don’t all shit. i appreciate the hell out of a pretty toilet & although it’s not the top of the line fanciness that you see all over the nice blogs, it sure as hell beats the beast that was there before.

toilet2 toilet3

to everyone who’s ass has touched our toilet seat, you’re welcome. you can now do your thing without having to balance the toilet at the same time. okay, so our floor is still un-level but it’s still significantly better than it was.

things left on the to-do:

  • new shower curtain
  • install new toilet paper holder (ordered!)
  • install new hand towel hook (ordered!)
  • replace trash can
  • spray paint ikea cart black
  • finish painting
  • install new toilet
  • have a plumber fix our leaky faucet & toilet line
  • paint door black

bedroom doors, you’ll just have to wait. the rest of the bathroom needs to rise up to meet the new toilet’s standards. after all, what’s the point of shitting pretty if the only thing pretty is what you’re shitting on?

 

guilty conscience

Oct
11

i told myself when i started working on the house this time around that i would take it one project at a time. i told myself that i would knock out a room before i shifted gears to something else. i told myself that i’d feel better if i did it that way so that i wouldn’t have a million half-finished projects everywhere.

well. fuck that. the reason i haven’t been back to this little space with an update is because i can’t get myself to finish the bedroom doors. currently, they’re propped up in the living room with only 1/4 sides scraped of paint. i really really want to have it done. i do. but i’m so tired of doing it & want to move on to something else but then my guilt takes over & i think of all of the other millions of tasks on my list & get completely overwhelmed so then i think about binge watching criminal minds while laying in bed & all my desires for productivity go straight out the window. speaking of windows. i also really want need to get our windows in shape before winter, now that it’s not so hot outside. the reason why i haven’t done it is totally valid in my mind but also embarrassing. i’m terrified of bugs & once you step outside the safety of my home right now, you’re guaranteed to be swarmed with all kinds of things, some of which i don’t even know what they are & they send me right back inside. we stopped having the house/yard sprayed last year & while it’s been nice for our wallet, it’s not so nice for me & my hate for creatures. i know, i know. i have to suck it up, be an adult & get the fuck over it. someone come help me? i mean, who doesn’t enjoy scraping caulk from old windows? (i actually kind of find it enjoyable.)

the only thing that’s been accomplished over the last couple of weeks is that we finally found a new lawn guy yesterday. it is a luxury that means a great deal to us. ryan started work part-time at a second job so that we can meet some financial goals a little faster (like being able to pay for the more expensive needs of this house) & the last thing i want is for him to spend his non-working hours doing yard work that he hates.

in non-house, more relaxing news, this second job also gave us the opportunity to fulfill some of ryan’s dreams; a truck & boat. it’s something that’s been in our “5-year plan” for a long time so it’s been really awesome to be able to do it several years earlier than expected. we had our maiden voyage last weekend & although we didn’t catch any fish, spending the morning on the water, just the 2 of us, was something that i’ll never forget & can’t wait to do more of.

until next time, i’ll be dreaming of the water & wishing it was the ocean.

 

ikea dreaming

Sep
15

i’ve been hit with a pretty bad cold for the last week (& still going) so my house hasn’t been touched which i think is killing me more than the cold is. i leave for dallas in the morning with my bestie (i can’t believe i just said that) for a short trip to see our favorite musician, david ramirez, & do a little shopping. no trip to texas is complete without hitting a few places that oklahoma doesn’t offer – ikea, urban outfitters, world market & hopefully in & out burger. side note: i once made my husband drive us 4 hours just to eat in & out burger because i had a ridiculous 2 week craving i couldn’t shake. aka, i have a problem.

anyway, all of the anticipation leading up to our trip has led to me spending a lot of time on ikea’s website & i wanted to share a few things that have been catching my eye. some have been around for a long while, while others i hadn’t seen before. i already have a few of these things on my list to look at.

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12

quick little update

Sep
07

i hope everyone had a nice long holiday weekend. we celebrated ryan’s 30th birthday a little too hard friday night & i don’t think i was fully recovered until sunday morning. oops. we had a great time though & spent the rest of the weekend relaxing, celebrating his birth & fishing (a very regular event at our house).

i still have a couple of things to do before i can do a bedroom “reveal” but it’s coming along & i love it so much. for me, minimal = relaxing so it’s perfect. i get that it’s not for everyone. here’s a little sneak peek:

bedroom closet-door

i spent a couple of hours over the weekend prepping the closet door & admiring these handles. i’m assuming that they are original but i could be wrong. i hated them when we moved in because i tend to hate anything that sparkles. haha! i’m glad i let them stick around. i’m missing the knob on one side so i need to find a decent match OR i’m thinking about using a spindle on the inside. it would definitely be cheaper than finding a nice glass knob that looks right. i’m anxious to get those plates cleaned up. i’ll be trying the crock pot method to remove the paint from all of the door hinges & hardware.

2016.08.21

this picture is not exciting but it was SO exciting to mark off my list. sometimes the little tasks can be the most daunting. here’s what’s going on here. 1. the back door got its last coat of paint. 2. the trim also got its last coat which means i could finally push the washer/dryer back against the wall so that it wasn’t blocking my wall-mount dryer rack anymore. 3. the weather-stripping got replaced. it’s been on my list for 5 years. the gap on the left side of the door was big enough that you could see outside & i had to block snow from coming in during storms. (terrible, i know.) 4. i replaced the dog door flap! i wish i would’ve known how easy it was going to be a long time ago. our last one was torn in several places, didn’t seal shut & couldn’t even be cleaned with magic erasers. the new one is such a huge improvement.

anyway. september is a busy month for me. i’m out of town for the next two weekends so i know my progress will be extra slow around here. i’m hoping that i can still find the time (& energy) to knock out a couple of the tasks that i fall asleep thinking about….

  • buy high grit sandpaper & black paint for doors
  • sand kitchen/living room/bedroom air vent covers & spray paint white
  • replace air vent cover in bathroom with new
  • prime the bathroom walls/ceiling
  • spray paint ikea cart black
  • spray paint shower curtain rings black to match new black rod
  • scrape/prep bedroom doors for paint (& then paint!)
  • boil door hardware to remove paint
  • spray paint snake plant pot that i hate white
  • pot my new birds of paradise tree

guys. i’m not going to lie. i’m a spray paint virgin but i hear that spray paint solves everything, right? that’s what the internet tells me so i’m going for it. wish me luck.

 

let’s talk bathrooms

Aug
31

the bedroom is pretty much done but i’m interrupting all of the bedroom talk to tell you about my bathroom because as of last night, i think it’s killing me.

my bathroom was disgusting. like i was embarrassed & i was the only one home to see it. so last night i scrubbed it clean from top to bottom, primed the shower walls/ceiling & took out the old target bookshelf we’ve dragged around with us for the past 8 years. it was satisfying until i was finished, put everything back together & then stepped out of the room to look. i had a little panic about how ugly my bathroom was. i’ve never LOVED our bathroom but it’s never bothered me. maybe it’s because the rest of the house is finally coming together & seeing this pretty untouched space made me realize how much love it really needs.

2016.08.31

proof. i’m embarrassed to even show this. my best friend kept trying to reassure me that it was fine. i am aware that this might be dramatic but nothing about this is fine. if it wouldn’t have been 9:30pm on a work night, i’d have been in there, paint brush in one hand & ripping down the shower curtain with the other. why was i ever okay with keeping that paint color from the previous owners? why did i think that shower curtain looked okay? better yet, what did i even see in that shower curtain to begin with? why did i buy orange towels? where do bloggers put their laundry hampers & how do you get a pretty one that won’t cost you your first-born child?

 

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12

this is my goal for the overall look. white walls, black accents & plants (surprise!). i’m either going to spray paint my blue ikea cart or buy a new one in black. the topic that is up for debate is paint. i’m really tempted to paint the ceiling black. am i crazy? my gut tells me that am & that i should do it.

if i had money, i’d start gutting this room immediately. i seriously cannot wait for that day to come. one day i plan on having black hexagon floor tile with white subway tile on the walls/shower. until i can afford that, i’m breaking the renovation down to three phases; each one being a step towards the final project & complete overhaul.

phase one: (done!)

  • paint everything
  • replace the shower curtain, orange towels, hand towel hoop, toilet paper holder, air vent cover & storage
  • restore the door, replace the hinges & paint it black

phase two:

  • replace the sink with a basic cabinet sink & black faucet
  • new lighting
  • anything else from phase one that we couldn’t afford

phase three:

  • new flooring
  • gut shower & redo with white subway tile & black hardware
  • every other disaster that is going to come our way when we start ripping shit out

that’s about it. i can’t stop thinking about it. i need to clean my house for ryan’s birthday weekend tonight but my heart is telling me to prime those walls…. we’ll see who wins.

 

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