lovelylittleshit

guilty conscience

Oct
11

i told myself when i started working on the house this time around that i would take it one project at a time. i told myself that i would knock out a room before i shifted gears to something else. i told myself that i’d feel better if i did it that way so that i wouldn’t have a million half-finished projects everywhere.

well. fuck that. the reason i haven’t been back to this little space with an update is because i can’t get myself to finish the bedroom doors. currently, they’re propped up in the living room with only 1/4 sides scraped of paint. i really really want to have it done. i do. but i’m so tired of doing it & want to move on to something else but then my guilt takes over & i think of all of the other millions of tasks on my list & get completely overwhelmed so then i think about binge watching criminal minds while laying in bed & all my desires for productivity go straight out the window. speaking of windows. i also really want need to get our windows in shape before winter, now that it’s not so hot outside. the reason why i haven’t done it is totally valid in my mind but also embarrassing. i’m terrified of bugs & once you step outside the safety of my home right now, you’re guaranteed to be swarmed with all kinds of things, some of which i don’t even know what they are & they send me right back inside. we stopped having the house/yard sprayed last year & while it’s been nice for our wallet, it’s not so nice for me & my hate for creatures. i know, i know. i have to suck it up, be an adult & get the fuck over it. someone come help me? i mean, who doesn’t enjoy scraping caulk from old windows? (i actually kind of find it enjoyable.)

the only thing that’s been accomplished over the last couple of weeks is that we finally found a new lawn guy yesterday. it is a luxury that means a great deal to us. ryan started work part-time at a second job so that we can meet some financial goals a little faster (like being able to pay for the more expensive needs of this house) & the last thing i want is for him to spend his non-working hours doing yard work that he hates.

in non-house, more relaxing news, this second job also gave us the opportunity to fulfill some of ryan’s dreams; a truck & boat. it’s something that’s been in our “5-year plan” for a long time so it’s been really awesome to be able to do it several years earlier than expected. we had our maiden voyage last weekend & although we didn’t catch any fish, spending the morning on the water, just the 2 of us, was something that i’ll never forget & can’t wait to do more of.

until next time, i’ll be dreaming of the water & wishing it was the ocean.

 

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