black bedroom, yay or nay?

it’s no surprise that i’m drawn to all things black. my wardrobe is black. my kitchen is black. my doors are black. most home accessories i choose are black. it is what it is. i have no shame in my black game.

on that note, i’m thinking of painting our bedroom black. i really considered painting our tiny bathroom black two years ago but decided to hold off (still uncertain i made the right decision on that. i’m thinking of repainting that room too). i’ve briefly thought of painting the bedroom black on many occasions but usually write it off because i’m paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong decision. it’s just paint though, right? i also just realized that i never followed up on the bedroom after all the work i put into it in 2016. it looks quite different then it did the last time i showed you. for one, we have a real bed like real adults. and curtains!

do y’all know shavonda? because she is my favorite thing to have ever happened to instagram. she is a beautiful & hilarious human. ryan, blame her for my inspiration to paint the bedroom again. her living room is flat black & it gives me all of the feels. i heard a designer say once that if you’re room gets a lot of natural light, you can get away with any color on the walls. well, our tiny little bedroom has 4 good sized windows so i think that means that i have no rules. now i have to decide where to start & stop with the paint. i’m loving the floor to ceiling, trim to windows, all black look.

via tumblr

what do y’all think? would you do it? would you dare to paint the entire room black or just the walls?

reflecting

hmm. i've been silent here for a while. life has been hard for the last 16 months. my depression has ramped up the last several weeks... but hey, my anxiety hasn't been constant soooo... win?

i didn't come here to complain though. i feel like all i do is complain. but the truth is, my life is pretty great. it's shit but it's great. it's exactly like our house. ha! while yes, it does feel like i've been swallowed by a black hole. & yes, i might cry when you ask me what i want to do because that question is so overwhelming that even when the options are, "do you want to go into old navy or keep driving around?"; it's just too much. true story. & yes, we did just have to shell out another mortgage payment worth of money to repair our HVAC (again).  & yes, my depression has completely taken every ounce of motivation out of my body so my house is just sitting with no progress.

BUT. i'm alive. & i love my husband so much more than i ever have. he's the best support that truly knows how to love & care for me. & dammit! we're in this shithole together! the last year has been so rough but something i've learned in this time is just how much better life can be when you quit trying to do it all yourself. ryan & i have always had a really good marriage. a surprisingly, shockingly good marriage. & somehow, in these last 16 months, where it's felt like so many things in our lives have completely gone to shit, we're closer now than we ever have been. some of that i think is because i finally understand what it means to share your life with someone. i have always been wildly independent. it's always been known that i require good periods of alone time & am pretty satisfied with just doing most things by myself (as long it doesn't require socializing). something shifted this year. when i was hospitalized last year, i learned something about myself. i am not as strong as i think i am. when ryan had to leave to tend to the dogs or our house, i would panic. i would put my head in a pillow & cry because i was terrified. as long as he was there, i was okay. & that feeling has remained with me. i keep harassing him that he's ruined me because i was never dependent on anyone before. but the truth is, i am so much happier when we're together. ryan showed a love & tenderness to me in my darkest time & for that, i learned to share my life better. so cheesy & dumb, but so true. 

anyway. enough of that sappy shit. my point is that i'm stuck right now. i'm stuck in my depression. i'm stuck with zero motivation. i'm stuck with 3 areas of my house in the middle stages of projects. it is what it is.

i have found such a deep deep passion for old homes & everything that goes along with it over the last couple of years but the problem is that my mental space gets in the way of using that passion for good. my day job takes all my mental energy & by the time i'm off work, it's hard for me to get up. i will get out of it. i will get unstuck. i will focus on the house again. it's just a matter of time.

there are so many things that i want to update on... like the fact that i singlehandedly built a double fence gate from scratch & it actually turned out... or the very first window that i reglazed... but for now; i'm around. i'm not dead. i'm just learning to live in a black hole.

 

living room: 2018 - i did it again

i can't leave shit alone. never have, most likely never will. sorry, husband. it's one of the few traits i got from my father, the man who perpetually redecorated our entire house without notice (like the one time my mom came home & he had ripped up the carpet, as well as ripped down the floor-to-ceiling paneling covering all four walls, in our family room). 

i switched the living room back. i came home one day & told ryan that i wanted to move it again & quite honestly, i don't even remember why. it was several months ago & i just now got around to taking a few photos when it was clean & particularly nice outside. i'm happy with it for now. i still hate walking in the house & seeing a huge tv first thing but i guess i can't eat my cake & have it too.

the couches are my nemeses. we were gifted the brown couch awhile ago & it does it's job. i typically don't mind it. it's at least neutral & clean-lined. the grey loveseat was given to us last month & i begrudgingly agreed because having one comfortable seating area with two big dogs who also want a seat didn't really work so well. it came home with us for free with four big-ass chunky block legs that i took off. it helped. unfortunately, the leg removal did not change the shape of the back cushions. the dogs thoughts? they very quickly claimed it as their own & it makes my eyes burn a little bit less. every morning when we wake up, at least one of them is curled up on it. they're pretty cute i guess.

one day we'll have couches that we actually pick out & love. i'd also like to replace the lights in here. the recessed lighting needs an upgrade & the main light could just use some pretty. i've also decided to paint all of the window frames black, inside & out. that one i'm pretty excited about & a big plus: it's free because i already have everything i need! i may or may not have already started "operation: restore your windows" before i've finished the kitchen cabinets.....

 

sorry husband.

 

 

updates in black

things are slow-going at the house. okay fine, the progress is pretty much non-existent right now. i have no reason for this other than that i just haven't been working on it. we're currently sporting open shelving in the kitchen because i have yet to finish painting the fronts of the doors. they're just sitting, piled up on our counters & taking over half of the living room. i desperately want our house to be put back together but obviously not too badly.

i am so happy with the bottom cabinets though. i love the black & i love the brushed nickel hardware on the black. i contemplated doing black hardware but i think i made the right decision. 

cabinet latches. why don't more people use latches? i love them so much, especially if you're in an older house, get on board with the latches. i find them so beautiful in the simplest way. (i took these before i had done any touch-ups.)

 

in another part of the house, black makes me happy too. i haven't shared anything about it in a very long time... the bedroom. one day i'll maybe actually finish a post about it but for now, this is where we're at. i'm never certain about any of my decisions that are bedroom related. i know what i like but figuring out how to incorporate what i like into what also works for our house & how we live, that i struggle with. the debate in my head about beds & whether i want a real one or not is constant. that debate is closely followed by "what if i tried a dark deep color on the walls to make it cozy". it's a never ending cycle. i've mostly learned to just ignore it & do whatever i want in the moment. sometimes it works. sometimes i end up buying a bed frame & headboard, only to sell it about 6 months later. eh!

one thing i did finally settle on is that i needed a dresser in the bedroom. i haven't had one in years. i've been storing my folded laundry inside of baskets in a cabinet in the other bedroom. in the other bedroom where none of my other clothes or belongings live. i know that it doesn't make sense but the minimalist in me had refused to by something unless i knew what it was i was looking for.

well, i found this antique dresser last month & it's exactly what i'd been looking for. it took months & months to find something that checked all the boxes for what i wanted:

  • small enough to fit well between the doors but big enough to hold the tv
  • two drawers
  • long legs so that it was up off the floor
  • antique
  • under $200 - preferably under $100
  • & a plus if it still has casters!

i finally found this at an antique store/flea market & knew when i saw the casters that i had to jump on it. my only problem? i can't figure out how i feel about the finish. the drawers are beautiful but the base is some sort of pinkish tinted whitewash. i actually don't hate it but it doesn't feel right to me & i have no idea what to do with it. do i try sanding it all down to its natural state & staining it? do i paint it? what color? i've been living with it, hoping that the longer i did, an answer would come to me but i'm not any closer to a solution that i feel good about.

on the other hand, those black doors always make me so happy to see. if only i could finally settle on what i want the rest of the room to do...