will 2017 end soon?

i won't lie. this year has been the shittiest i think i've ever had. it's been emotionally, physically, & financially draining & there have really been no signs of it letting up. the spider incident ruined my summer, the hospital bills took our savings, we lost our smallest dog suddenly, the vet bills took our credit cards, the work on our house that we thought was exciting has turned out to be a nightmare that won't go away & my depression hit full force (of course!) during all of it.

i say that to say; bare with me. there have been a lot of things i’ve wanted to come here to say & update on but also, if i'm being honest, it's been a real struggle to get out of bed to work on any house projects myself. i've just now gotten motivated enough the last week. so. a few things.

the first being that after our contractor offered us a price on our house i realized just how much i care about the integrity of it. between realizing how much i truly love my little piece of shit, it’s also not a realistic time for us to even consider moving. i will always have that spirit in me that wants to leave, that wants to start over, that looks for change & wants to experience new things. it’s a part of who i am. but i’m also not a dumbass. ryan is in a really great place professionally & really loves what he’s doing right now. i want him to see it through & really, i want to see our house through. the changes i make, i want to make for us, as if it's for the long haul, whether it is or isn't. that means that my list of goals just got a shit ton bigger. oy.

second, we’re not painting the exterior of the house. if you want to know why & don’t care to listen to me go off on a tangent, you can ask me why sometime. in the long run, as exciting as i thought that was for our house, i’m glad it’s not happening. turns out, no matter how arrogant you are, you really shouldn’t paint old bricks. soft-fired bricks (generally bricks before the 1960s) need to be able to breathe. when you paint them, moisture gets trapped inside & eventually, the paint will peel & the bricks will deteriorate. so, educate yourself! instead of paint, come spring, i will be power washing the exterior & redoing the mortar. i feel really good about it & i feel really confident about that decision.

third, we’re still waiting for the insurance work on our house to be done. it’s been a very good learning experience for so so many reasons & i honestly hope i never have to deal with a contractor ever again, although, i’ll be much better prepared next time if i have to. it's been a much longer & more frustrating 3 months than i expected but our gutters finally went up this week and holy. shit. i was not prepared for how happy pieces of metal hanging off my house would make me.

it's funny how things can change so much in a year. one thing that hasn't changed is my dedication to the house. to make it right. to honor it. so that when we do leave it, somebody doesn't find it a worthy candidate to gut the entire thing, rip out the original windows & vault the ceilings.

oh, & happy thanksgiving!